Stripper Sundays: What Happens When You Pay Your Only Employee Minimum Wage For Four Years

So anyone who knows me well and has for any significant amount of time knows that I had a side job at quite possibly the greatest retail store in history. It was a “Sexy Fashions Boutique”- a store full of magical synthetic-fibered costumes, sequinned and oddly cut dresses, and lame and fun fur get-ups. I worked for this store for four and a half years and made the same wage on my last day as I did the day I started. Not that I was expected to work HARD. Quite the contrary actually. I often passed entire shifts on the couch in the back room watching reruns of Glee or dicking around in dark corners of the internet. 

Another well known Vicki fact is that I gestate for an unreasonable amount of time. My second pregnancy crawled by, as did the hours while I sat alone in a sea of nylon and polyester. So, born out of boredom, as most of my harebrained ideas are, I decided one Sunday to play dress-up.

28 weeks pregnant. How delightful!

I

I shared this photo with a group of girlfriends (Who will be hereby known as “Your Mom”), and, of course it illicited an overwhelmingly positive response.  So, the following Sunday, I did it again.

And the Sunday after that…

Once you’ve done something three weeks running, it becomes a habit. On Sundays, some people go to church. Others read Post Secret. Some people might even take their grandma out for brunch. Not me. On Sundays I put on horrifically tacky outfits and took photos for my friends. 

Here I am as Fat C-3PO

 

And in this terrible dress with the most appropriate shape for a 8-month pregnant woman

 

I could hardly contain my laughter wearing that one. That dress cost, like, $130!

So let this be a lesson to you. If you own a small business, your pregnant employees will try on all your clothes. Or something.